She was supposed to be smart, but not that smart. Girls in those days were not supposed to know all the answers and get the very highest marks in class... but that's what she did.
She was supposed to be deferential and play dainty tea parties, not collect frogs and climb trees and fish for crawdads with a string, a safety pin, and a piece of bacon... but that's what she did.
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Her father was supposed to be a lawyer like he had been earlier, like his brother, and like their parents before them (yes, even his mother), but something bad happened (she could only speculate, for no one would tell her), and so they had to move to a tiny town where he found construction work, and live on the wrong side of the tracks.
Her mother was supposed to be gorgeous and classy and live a life of ease, but she had to take a job as a school secretary, instead, and grew frustrated and bitter, eating and smoking too much.
She was supposed to be pretty and thin and popular and speak with a southern drawl, but she was bookish and plump and thought drawls made people sound dumber than they often were, so she worked hard to talk like the people on the radio and TV.
She was supposed to be racist, like virtually everyone around her in the small, rural, jim crow-era southern town she grew up in. But something inside her told her that was wrong, and she refused to go along, preferring to leave when the talk turned ugly. (She was supposed to be brave and speak out against injustice, I guess, but she was pretty shy.)
She was supposed to go to college, and so she did; her grades got her into an elite private school. Unfortunately, even with scholarships, the money the family could afford for her education quickly ran out.
She was supposed to move back home and take a secretarial job, but found that to be a harrowing experience, so she got married instead.
She was supposed to marry for love, but she married for independence and because her fiancé was the first guy she ever dated who wasn't intimidated by her mind.
She was supposed to have children, and so she did - three of them. And she loved them fiercely.
She was supposed to finish her education, and so she did. When her youngest was in Kindergarten, she started back to school, completing her bachelor's degree. Later, she finished a Master's degree and most of a doctorate, as well.
Her husband was supposed to provide for the family, but despite his intelligence, he never fit in well and was not particularly prompt (and thus had a hard time staying in a job), so after college graduation, she started working in her new field to keep the family finances afloat.
She was supposed to accept that this was her life, but she got depressed, and she knew that she deserved to be happier than she was.
She was supposed to keep her wedding vows for life, but she had enough of a loveless marriage and got divorced.
She was supposed to receive adequate child support and be the perfect working mother, but the checks didn't come regularly, some bounced, and she was forced to pawn the silver sometimes or even sell the house to make ends meet.
She was supposed to be good in her field, but to fit in, not make waves, and not stand out too much, but she couldn't help it; her lightning-fast brain, her drive to be the best, and her utter competence lifted her up like a wave and she kept getting promoted until she held the highest position she could without being elected (and there was no way in hell she was going to run for office).
Her children were supposed to be brilliant (she was a psychologist and had tested them; she knew they were all smart) and talented and they were supposed to bring home straight A's without being asked, just as she always had, but they didn't. One was shy, one was incorrigable, and one was a total scatterbrain. She sighed heavily, but she let them figure it all out.
She was supposed to find it all so easy, but it was hard and she sometimes got sick from the stress.
She was supposed to fall in love with Prince Charming, but instead, she fell in love with a colleague who was still in a loveless marriage with five children.
Her second marriage wasn't supposed to thrive, given the statistics, the resistance of the children, and the pettiness of the ex-wife, but it did thrive and grow and gave her a couple decades of happiness.
She was supposed to stay in her high-powered career until retirement, but the amount of work and stress it caused her was never adequately compensated by the state, so she retired early and started her own business with her best friend.
She was supposed to have enough money for retirement from her second career, but always felt like it wouldn't be enough. After all, her doctor told her that her low blood pressure, fantastic heart rate and low cholestrol meant that she'd likely live past 100, so she took a part time job at her gym.
Her part-time job was supposed to be easy and take little energy, but she was quickly promoted to manager and eventually bought a third of the business.
She was supposed to sit back and enjoy being (mostly) retired, but she filled her free time with volunteering, singing, traveling, and even freeway blogging to protest the war.
She wasn't supposed to get sick -- she was so dang healthy! -- but she started having some really difficult digestion problems and losing weight (and she was already thin enough).
She was supposed to beat the odds and shrink that tumor, so she could qualify for surgery, but she found out that her gritty determination and intelligence, and her willingness to go through horrific chemo treatments were no match for a stubborn case of angiocarcinoma.
She wasn't supposed to worry about whether she'd have enough money for her pain medication, but the medicare "donut hole" obliged her to sell her business in a rush and even borrow money to cover the costs.
She was supposed to die within a couple months of her diagnosis of stage IV pancreatic cancer, but she lived one year and one week.
She was supposed to die without horrific pain - she had always said she'd go to Oregon and apply for assisted suicide before she'd suffer - but in the end, she decided to give her medical power of attorney to the one person who was sure to make her stay in the fight.
She was supposed to have been in hospice far earlier than she was, but her caregiver/husband was in severe emotional denial.
She was supposed to die within a couple days after her last sips of water, but she lingered five more days.
She was supposed to die the day the visiting hospice nurse could no longer find much blood pressure at all, but she lingered two more days.
She was supposed to have all her children around her in her final hours, but in the end, two couldn't (or wouldn't) be there. I believe she was OK with that.
She was supposed to make sure her children knew how much she loved them, and she did. To this day, each one thinks that he or she was the favorite child.
She was supposed to live long past age 68 and see her children find happiness and fulfillment in their adult lives, and watch her beautiful grandchildren grow.
She was my beautiful, brilliant, indispensable mother Diana, and she died four years ago on April 6, 2007. Thank you for reading about her and remembering her with me.